We’re delighted to share with you a blog post written by Viki Garbett. Viki is a workplace wellbeing consultant specialised in culinary medicine and menopause with a particular interest in the links between food, mental health, connection and healthy working lives. Drawing on almost 20 years’ experience in the corporate sector, alongside her work in community wellbeing, Viki delivers evidence-informed wellbeing education and practical interventions for individuals, organisations and communities. She is also co-founder of Nourishing Space CIC, where she leads Women’s Wellness Circles exploring food, mindfulness, connection and the experiences of women through midlife.

Have we completely lost the connection to ourselves and stopped liking our own company?

The word lonely originally meant being alone, without any negative attachment to this physical and emotional state. So how did it become stigmatised and most importantly, what can we do to help ourselves and others who may be experiencing this?

“I love my own company too much to ever feel lonely!”

I was talking to a friend the other day, who said she had never felt lonely as she loved her own company and enjoyed spending time alone. I just loved how unapologetic she was about it, and how much she enjoyed solitude. You might be thinking, “well, she must have it all figured out” or that “she must have had an easy and privileged life”. The truth couldn’t be far from that. She had a fair share of struggles and heartbreaking events she had to face, all of which could have easily pushed her to self-blame, destruction or depression.

So, I wonder, how is it possible that going through many challenges and traumas, you still have that love and compassion for yourself? How do you reach that point when you like being on your own, love your own company and never feel lonely? Is this something you must be born with? Or is it to do with the systems you build, the support and connections you have?

I didn’t know how lonely I was back then…

If you asked me if I ever felt lonely, I would say I might have done but couldn’t recall a specific time in my life when this caused me prolonged struggles. Loneliness visited me when I moved to the UK from Hungary to be with the man, I fell in love with over 21 years ago. It wasn’t easy to leave my family and friends behind, and a part of me. I had to rebuild my whole life (I was only 21 years old, “emerging” to a young lady from a teenager), and what kept me going was this deep sense of knowing that I was doing the right thing, following my heart. And that this would all work out. I had no doubts about this.

Looking back at this period of my life it felt very similar to when I became a mum and as I became an entrepreneur 8 years ago. All these transitions required another version of me, another “upgrade”, leaving parts of me behind, including circles of acquaintances and a kind of safety net too. I felt alone, desperately looking for connection with others going through the same change and something common with.

It all seems to make more sense now

I understand now, why it was so important for me to set up that baby group for Hungarian mums living in Sheffield. I understand now why I keep organising creative gatherings for my friends, why I am the one who always cooks and invites people around for food and why I started running women’s wellness circles. I built the communities that I needed to survive and thrive – almost unconsciously.

Follow your heart and then what?

I feel very fortunate that I can hear and listen to that inner voice and grateful to have the drive that helps me take actions. Sometimes though, the anxiety, the isolation or the loneliness can feel extremely heavy, which makes it hard to do anything at all. When I experience these, I focus on things that are within reach and easy to do to shift my energy levels. Going for a short walk, jumping on the yoga mat or making a nice, nourishing lunch with lots of colours on the plate can do magic. The trick is to get out of my head and break the vicious circle that can keep me stuck in these heavy places. Changing our physiology, with a simple healthy lunch or by taking nice deep breaths can help change our emotional state. Often the perception is that we can only take actions when we feel better (emotionally) and we are ready. But the truth is that most often we just need to go for it and do the things that we know could help.

A little challenge for you

I would love to invite you to challenge yourself with the following. When you next go for a walk try to go without your headphones and really take in your surroundings. Pop in a shop to look around and start a chat with a stranger. Notice how that experience makes you feel. Does this make you feel more alive and perhaps more connected to yourself, and your community?

Maybe the key is to start with yourself, get to know who you are, to connect with your heart more and be less in your head?!

May this help you become curious, to enjoy time on your own and feel a little less lonely too.

To find out about the women’s circles we run at Nourishing Space CIC, visit www.nourishing-space.com and to learn more about one-to-one sessions with me or how I help shape wellbeing at the workplace, check out www.twiddlefood.co.uk .